i want to be 2 forever.

There. I said it.

All I want for life is just an endless supply of hugs, stuffed animals, food, & sleep. No kidding. I’ll be extremely satisfied if I have that, and, maybe to boot, not being judged for being honest & emotional. I don’t even want anything else at this point – studying, work, other people’s good opinions…fuck those pretentious fakes anyways.

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me – every teen I know wants to grow up, but I don’t.

I don’t want more freedom, if it means more responsibility.

I don’t want to be taken seriously, if it means having to be mature.

And it’s not because I get bad grades or am a failure currently. Somehow I have a cumulative 4.1 GPA, got a 5 (“extremely well qualified,” highest possible score) on my AP Euro exam (the only AP exam I’ve ever taken, b/c my school only lets us take 1 AP course in our sophomore year), & am just generally “smart,” “hard-working” & a “very successful student,” at least per my teachers. But I wonder how much I really like studying & that sort of shit when the only time I’m not extremely depressed is during the summer when I don’t have to study…

And I don’t want to “take the world by storm”…all I want is to make enough money to retire early & live out the rest of my life in a little cottage in Provence, southern France (if you haven’t been there, it’s breathtakingly beautiful) with a hundred stuffed animals & maybe a hamster or two. I don’t want to get married, and I despise the idea of having kids even more. I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong with me by this point. I guess I just hate commitment – I can’t commit to a single guy, I can’t commit to a single pet (I like hamsters because they have like 1-2 year lifespans), and I can’t commit to a single job (which is why I’m currently freelancing & will probably go into business, as you can be a business leader in basically any field from real estate to finance to tech to cosmetics), just like I can’t commit to anything else in my life.

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